I'm So Mad

I’m madder than hell and I’m not going to take it any more. Like, why me? What can I do about it?
Tonight I was putting on my pj’s and thick crocheted slippers and there they were —toe hairs! Dammit who gets hair on there toes? I used to have a little fuzz –maybe. Now it’s long hairs. What do I do? I know there are shavers for men’s beards, —shavers for ladies legs and pits. But, where do I get a shaver for those toe hairs? Are my hormones so crazy and out of balance that I deserve more then the few hairs that pop out of my chin? How can I ever wear sandals again or go barefoot on the shores of the local lake. Will my old man get a whisker rub when I try and play footsy under the table with him?
Where’s the etiquette lady or Ann Landers when I need them? Which self-help book is gonna help me with my toe hairs? —good grief (I’m so mad).